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april 23rdwe are so far away
from the center of the universe.
yet there is music aloud in my head, and my strands of unconscious and conscious thoughts weave a web of sound and noise.
my heart is in my throat as I watch them trip all around me, and my words of warning can only be silence to them. I feel their wounds reciprocated here, in my chest. I, too, trip over guilt and irrevocable circumstances.
I repeat words of reassurance to myself, but don’t really believe them. of all people, I know the weakness of words. a house of words can still be burned down, a strongly woven shield of them can still be battened away
and I wonder how much words matter if there is no one who will hear them.
take me down to the river again and throw me in*
i want to write to you,
i want to write about you
the way i used to
when your body was my anchor and
my head was underwater -
before my life became defined within the space that
there was something then in the way you'd make me laugh
spitting up blood -
it felt like death from a ruptured lung.
and how sweet it tasted from all the sugar-binges of self loathing
i had to swallow back down with it.
(i never despised myself with more enthusiasm than
when you held my hand)
and remember the day you tied me up in the darkroom
and spilled photographic developer on my back
to watch your image appear and superimpose -
well, i haven't lifted my shirt in public since.
and to the people i share rooms with, and beds with,
and morning coffee,
i swear that it's really just skin deep
and that i keep it there out of guilt,
and how i only sleep in the sheets you died in
to remind myself that you're gone.
2014 January 28th 11:27pmher joy is in the susurrus of swaying grass,
lithely dancing to impress the warm wind.
the sun is her lover, he breathes and she exhales.
her sorrow is as faithful as he,
his resentful death spins her into a frost ridden cradle.
she paints without color, a bitter white to hide his love.
he awakens again
and her misery is undressed as her last snowflake melts,
the first kiss of the season.
i tried to tell you that Marley was a ghost,
but you wanted to walk with wings
across gleaming midnight.
How marvelous, this stone stands
sturdy and musty; this glorious church holding up a ticking sun
that slowly cracks the trippy stained glass.
you drilled way below the church stone,
and found dried palm leaves and old joints
like clues to the map of an exceptional life.
I love this torrential literature,
I love a racing heart.
i cannot sleep, i keep dreaming,
ezekiel's visions leave me breathless.
Take it up with the Big Man.
Surely the cannabis creator
must exude a presence that lingers on synapses.
i've lost my ability to fly.
a tender sky with reddening clouds,
the sights of death give birth to no life.
Well, I'm l
2013 December 15th 2:10amshe tied threads around her fingers,
hoping to remember.
she cut her fingers off,
hoping to forget.
AbortionI warned you not to count your eggs
before they hatched
but you were too hyperactive,
and you had ADHD and you wanted to bake cookies.
You wouldn't shut up
about how grossly sweet they would taste
and how pretty and glossy the stretched white yolk would be.
You just wouldn't listen
and now our baskets are empty
and those cookies just sit on the counter, untouched,
like that voicemail that your mother left on the phone
begging us not to get that abortion.
Are we murderers?
C-can I show you something?
She asked so tentatively; her words grasping my heart with sheer anticipation.
My answer was uncertain. Confusion struck my mind when she conjured a knife from no where.
It's a Scottish knife. My uncle gave it to me.
The swirls on the handle coincided with my stomach's churns.
we were both so young
when we first met;
I adored you - but didn't know this yet.
who knew that I'd commit such a sin...
...or that really you wanted to wear my skin?
Hey, can we meet up soon?
I loved her. Seeing her brightened my life... like the metallic blade of her knife.
Sure. How about Saturday, in the park, in a place where no one will see?
we were both still young
when we met at the park;
by the time you arrived, it was ever-so dark.
We were down by the lake; no one could see,
yet I noticed you staring intensely at me...
Are you a lesbian?!
School was hell. Amelia and I
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More